The Ferengi

Ferengi Rules of Acquisition, as of DS9 Seasons 1 + 2

1. Once you have their money, you never give it back (Nagus)
2. You can't cheat an honest customer, but it never hurts to try.
3. Never spend more for an acquisition than you have to. (The Maquis Pt II)
4. Sex and profit are the two things that never last long enough.
5. If you can't break a contract, bend it.
6. Never let family interfere with profit. (Nagus) Never let family stand in the way of opportunity (Nagus)
7. Always keep your ears open. (In the Hands of the Prophets)
8. Keep count of your change
9. Opportunity plus instinct equals profit. (The Storyteller) Opportunity + instinct = profit. Opportunity plus need equals profit
10. A dead customer can't buy as much as a live one. or Never kill a customer unless the profit you make off his death is larger than the profit you can make off his life.
11. Do business with a "Small Lobe" and your bound to get a big loss.
12. Anything worth selling is worth selling twice.
13. Anything worth doing is worth doing for money.
14. Anything stolen is pure profit.
15. Acting stupid is often smart.
16. A deal is a deal. (Melora)
17. A bargain usually isn't.
18. Beware of relatives bearing gifts.
19. Don't lie too soon after a promotion.
20. When the customer is sweating, turn up the heat.
21. Never place friendship above profit. (Rules of Acquisition)
22. A wise man can hear a profit in the wind. (Rules of Acquisition)
23. Never take the last coin, but be sure to get all the rest.
24. Never ask when you can take.
25. Fear makes a good business partner.
26. The vast majority of the rich in this galaxy did not inherit their wealth; they stole it.
27. The most beautiful thing about a tree is what you can do with it after you cut it down.
28. Morality is always defined by those in power.
29. When someone says "It's not the money", they're lying!
30. Talk is cheap; synthehol costs money.
31. Never insult a Ferengi's mother! (The Siege)
32. Be careful what you sell. It may do exactly what the customer expects.
33. It never hurts to suck up to the boss. (Rules of Acquisition)
34. Compassion is no substitute for profit.
35. You could afford your ship without your government; if it weren't for your government.
36. Too many Ferengi can't laugh at themselves anymore.
41. Money talks, but having lots of it gets more attention.
    
42. Be loyal to your allies occasionally, so they will forgive you when you cheat on them.
    
43. Caressing an ear is often more forceful than pointing a weapon.
    
47. Don't trust anyone wearing a better suit than your own. (Rivals)
    
48. The bigger the smile, the sharper the knife. (Rules of Acquisition)
    
50. Friendship is seldom cheap.
    
51. Free advice is seldom cheap. (Rules of Acquisition)
    
52. Never use credit where your words will do.
    
53. Never buy what can be stolen.
    
54. The riskier the road, the greater the profit. (Rules of Acquisition)
    
70. Get the money first, then let the buyers worry about collecting the merchandise.
    
76. Every once in a while, declare peace; it confuses the hell out of your enemy. (The Homecoming)
    
79. Fighting with Klingons is like gambling with Cardassions; it's best to have a friend with a weapon around when you lose.
    
101. Never do something you can make someone do for you.
     
102. Nature decays; but Latinum lasts forever. (The Dominion PartI)
     
103. Sleep can interfere with ....(opportunity, profit, ?????) (Ferengi cut-off in mid- sentence) (Rules of Acquisition)
     
109. Dignity and an empty sack are still worth an empty sack. (Rivals) or Dignity and an empty sack is worth the sack
     
111. Never sleep with the boss's wife unless you pay him first.
     
112. Never have sex with the boss's sister. (Playing God)
     
119. Buy, sell, or get out of the way!
     
123. A friend is only a friend until you sell him something; then he's a customer.
     
139. Wives serve, brothers inherit. (Necessary Evil)
     
172. If you can sell it, don't hesitate to steal it.
     
194. Always know your customers before they come through your doors. (Whispers)
     
214. Never begin a business negotiation on an empty stomach. (The Maquis Part I)
     
284. Rules are always subject to interpretation.
     
285. No good deed ever goes unpunished. (Collaborator)
     
286. You can always buy back a lost reputation.
     
287. When the Grand Nagus gives you an opportunity, leave town until he's gone!
     

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